You want your child to be confident. But when your child has a disability, it is not always obvious what confidence-building should look like.

Should you encourage them to do more by themselves? Step in when something is difficult? Protect them from situations where they may struggle? Push them a little harder? Every parent trying to build confidence in a child with a disability eventually asks some version of these questions.

There is no single answer for every child.

That does not mean doing everything independently. A child may use a wheelchair, communicate through Kenyan Sign Language or AAC, require assistance with personal care, need learning support, or depend on adults in significant ways. Confidence is not measured by how little help a child needs.

It is reflected in things such as:

Research on self-determination among young people with disabilities supports this emphasis on agency and participation. A systematic review of self-determination interventions for children and youth with disabilities found that approaches such as experiential learning, mentoring, coaching, and individual or group learning could improve self-determination outcomes.

For a parent, much of this development begins in ordinary daily life. Here are nine practical places to start.

How can I focus on what my child can learn to do?

It is natural for disability to draw attention to what is difficult. Appointments may focus on limitations. School meetings may focus on support needs. Relatives may ask what your child cannot do. Even well-meaning conversations can slowly make disability the main lens through which everyone sees the child.

Your child also needs repeated experiences of capability. Ask: what can my child already do, and what could they learn next with the right support?

For one child, that may mean dressing themselves. For another, it may mean choosing their clothes while someone assists with dressing. It could mean:

• greeting a visitor
• using a communication device to order food
• carrying their plate to the kitchen
• remembering one part of a morning routine
• presenting something in class
• making a purchase
• asking a teacher for assistance
• learning how to use an assistive device more independently

The task does not have to look impressive to another person. It needs to give your child evidence that their actions can produce results. Genuine confidence is difficult to build entirely through reassurance. “You can do anything” sounds encouraging. “I watched you practice that for three weeks, and now you can do it yourself” gives the child evidence.

Watch out for the opposite mistake

How can I give my child real responsibilities at home?

Children learn that they belong partly by contributing. But children with disabilities can easily become the family members everyone does things for. Someone clears their plate. Someone packs their bag. Someone answers every question. Someone chooses what they will wear. Someone remembers everything on their behalf.

Some of this assistance may genuinely be necessary. But if your child can contribute in some way, give them the opportunity. Responsibilities might include:

• putting toys away
• watering plants
• feeding a pet
• sorting laundry
• setting part of the table
• packing one section of their school bag
• checking items off a visual routine
• choosing groceries from a short list
• helping prepare food
• reminding the family about something they are responsible for

Adapt the responsibility rather than automatically removing it. A child with limited mobility may supervise a task or manage one component. A child with an intellectual disability may need visual steps. A blind child may organize familiar household items using an accessible system. A child who communicates through AAC can still make decisions, give instructions, and take responsibility.

The message underneath the chore is bigger than the chore: you are a contributing member of this family.

How can I let my child make age-appropriate choices?

Some children with disabilities become accustomed to adults making almost every decision. Parents choose. Teachers choose. Therapists choose. Doctors choose. Caregivers choose. Eventually, even simple decision-making can feel unfamiliar.

Start where your child is. You might ask:

• Which shirt would you like?
• Do you want to do homework before or after your snack?
• Which activity would you like to join?
• Who would you like to invite?
• Would you like help now, or would you like to try first?
• Which topic would you like to present?
• Do you want to answer that question yourself?

A child does not need spoken language to make choices. Choice can be communicated through Kenyan Sign Language, AAC, pictures, eye gaze, gestures, writing, or agreed signals.

UNICEF recommends talking to and getting information directly from a child or adolescent with a disability where possible, rather than obtaining it only through caregivers. That principle can begin at home. Your child’s opinion should not appear for the first time when they become an adult.

How do I allow safe chances to struggle, make mistakes, and try again?

This may be one of the hardest parts of parenting a child with a disability. You have probably had more reasons than most parents to protect your child. You may know that other children can be cruel. You may have watched your child struggle with something that appears effortless for their peers. You may understand risks that strangers cannot see. So stepping in quickly makes sense.

But children also need manageable experiences of difficulty. Suppose your child is struggling to fasten something, introduce themselves, complete a task, or communicate with a shop attendant. Before taking over, ask: do they need me to rescue them, support them, or simply give them more time? Those are not the same thing.

You might say “would you like help?” rather than immediately doing it. Or “show me which part is difficult” rather than restarting the whole task for them.

Sometimes the outcome will still be unsuccessful. That is also part of confidence. A confident child still fails plenty. What changes is what failure comes to mean: gradually, less “I am incapable” and more “that didn’t work yet.”

How do I help my child participate, not just attend?

A child can be physically present and still be excluded. They can attend a birthday party but spend the afternoon beside an adult. They can be enrolled in school but rarely be called upon. They can attend family gatherings while everyone talks around them. They can go to church, sports activities, or community events without having a meaningful role.

Confidence needs participation. Ask questions such as:

• Does my child get opportunities to answer in class?
• Are activities adapted so they can participate?
• Do other children know how to communicate with them?
• Do adults direct questions to my child, or automatically to me?
• Does my child have opportunities to present, perform, compete, or contribute?
• Are they building friendships?
• Are they given roles of responsibility?

This matters particularly in Kenya, where access itself remains a major issue for many children with disabilities. A 2023 Support Needs Assessment found substantial unmet needs among persons with disabilities and their caregivers, and roughly 55 percent of children with disabilities were not attending school.

There are signs of this changing. In 2026, a Disability Inclusion component was added to the AFD and NBA Africa Basketball Experience programme, placing children with hearing, visual, and physical impairments into structured training, not just attendance, across 32 specialised schools in Nairobi, Kajiado, Machakos, and Kiambu counties, specifically to build confidence, teamwork, and leadership through participation.

Enrollment is therefore important. But the next question is equally important: once the child gets through the door, are they genuinely participating?

How do I help my child recognize their strengths without denying their disability?

Confidence does not require telling a child that their disability makes no difference. Children notice difference. They notice when another child runs faster. They notice when communication takes them longer. They notice when a building has stairs they cannot use. They notice when they need assistance their siblings do not need. Trying to convince them otherwise can make honest conversations harder.

A healthier message is: your disability is real, your challenges are real, and they are not the whole of who you are. Help your child develop language for both strengths and support needs.

Knowing what you need is not weakness. Being able to communicate it is a confidence skill. UNICEF’s guidance on engaging children with disabilities emphasizes their autonomy, agency, and meaningful participation, rather than treating them simply as recipients of care.

How do I give my child opportunities to be heard?

Confidence and communication are closely connected. A child who repeatedly experiences adults speaking for them can eventually learn that other people’s voices carry more weight than their own. This does not mean forcing a shy child to perform. It means creating increasingly safe opportunities for your child to communicate with other people, such as:

• greeting a visitor
• answering a relative’s question themselves
• asking for an item in a shop
• telling a teacher when they need support
• sharing an opinion at home
• introducing themselves
• explaining something they enjoy
• participating in a class discussion
• making a short presentation
• telling someone when they disagree

For a non-speaking child, the goal is exactly the same: being heard. The method may differ. They may use AAC, sign language, a communication board, writing, symbols, or gestures. Do not measure their confidence by how closely their communication resembles somebody else’s. Measure whether they are increasingly able to express themselves and influence what happens around them.

How much help should I give, and when should I step back?

“How much should I help my child?” has no universal answer. A child may need considerable assistance in one area and almost none in another. The useful question is: what is the least amount of support my child needs to participate successfully right now?

Imagine your child is learning a task. Development often means moving gradually along a continuum, where possible:

And sometimes development doesn’t move along that continuum, and that’s fine too. A child with significant physical or intellectual support needs may continue requiring assistance throughout life. That does not make confidence or autonomy irrelevant. A person can need physical help and still choose how the task is done, choose who assists them, communicate preferences, refuse, direct another person, and participate in decisions.

Independence should not be reduced to doing everything alone. For many persons with disabilities, real independence means having meaningful control over their own life, including control over the support they receive.

When might confidence not be the main problem?

If your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, reluctant to participate, or afraid to attempt things, do not automatically label it low confidence. Ask what changed. A child may be dealing with:

• bullying
• inaccessible activities
• difficulty communicating
• repeated embarrassment
• pain or discomfort
• sensory overload
• a poorly fitting assistive device
• unmet learning needs
• anxiety
• depression or another mental health difficulty
• exclusion at school
• adults consistently underestimating them

Sometimes the most effective confidence intervention is not another affirmation. It is fixing the barrier.

Where can a Kenyan parent start looking for help?

If you are unsure what support your child requires, an appropriate professional assessment can help. The Kenya Institute of Special Education (KISE) operates a network of Educational Assessment and Resource Centres and regional outreach, providing assessments, training, and resources for children, educators, and caregivers.

The National Council for Persons with Disabilities (NCPWD) also provides services for registered persons with disabilities, including an assistive-device programme covering products such as wheelchairs, hearing aids, and prosthetics, as well as services such as sign-language interpretation.

Depending on your child’s needs, useful support may also come from occupational therapists, physiotherapists, speech and language professionals, psychologists or counselors, inclusive or special education professionals, disability-specific organizations, Organizations of Persons with Disabilities, communication specialists, and appropriately trained personal-development coaches.

Confidence coaching should complement necessary therapeutic, educational, and clinical support, not replace it.

What does confidence actually look like in a child with a disability?

It may not look like being outgoing. It may not look like standing on a stage. It may not even look particularly bold.

Sometimes confidence looks like “I want to try.” Sometimes it is “I don’t understand.” Or “please help me.” Or “no.” Or “I’d like to do it differently.” Or simply making a choice, when everyone is accustomed to choosing for you.

For a child with a disability, confidence is closely connected to learning that their actions, preferences, and voice matter. That is why confidence and independence often grow together. Nobody is aiming for a child who never needs anyone. The real aim is a child who, need for support and all, increasingly participates in their own life.

You do not need a special confidence exercise every day. Much of the work happens in moments that look ordinary: waiting instead of answering for your child, giving them a job at home, asking what they think, allowing another attempt before stepping in, finding a communication method that lets them participate, helping them explain what support they need, making sure they are not merely present but included.

Those experiences accumulate. Gradually, the message becomes: I can participate. I can learn. I can contribute. My choices matter. My voice matters.

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Thomas Bosire

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